Dianne & Harold Build a House

Weeks Twenty-Two and Twenty-Three

2006-12-24T08:28:00.000-08:00

December 11 to 24
...and our last weekly blog entry.

Oops. Missed a week. Apologies to bloggees. HTFWYHF! [Text-messaging abbreviation: How time flies when you’re having fun.]

Or, perhaps more accurately, HTFWYIEAT. [as above, but “in Edmonton and Toronto.”]

Harold heads for the frozen west in the middle of Week 22 to visit his uncle and in laws. One of the highlights is seeing neice Emma in a Christmas concert (curly blond hair, lower left), also attended by nephew Paul. Dianne, for her part, spends most of the week in T.O.

Meanwhile, Jim and Rainer keep working on the dormers. But without either Eastman on hand to harass them with photo ops (“Can you nail that stud in again, Rainer, but smiling?” “Jim, could you carry that bundle of shingles up the ladder again, but on your left side?”) not much documentation goes on.

And when Harold and Dianne come back north, they’re both – truth to tell – just too pooped to pictorialize.

But the end of Week Twenty-Three sees the two south dormers pretty well complete – minus some shingles and flashing – plus the insulation of the garage underway.

And suddenly…

…it’s Christmas. As this post is, um, posted, our Daring Duo are in Toronto again, with Sue and Matt for the holidays

And so it seems an appropriate time to end the weekly chronicle, for now, at least. (Look for occasional updates in the new year.) Yes, the plan was to keep up with weekly postings until we spent our first night in the garage, but that's taken a little longer than expected - likely now the first week of January. Besides, the distractions of turkey, cranberry sauce and Baileys have intervened. Time to chill.

First, however, the caption results from Week 21…

• "Somebody get the bubble bath and my rubber duckie!"
• Dianne and Harold resort to feeding the numerous house workers, stopper-byers, and aficionados via trough.
• This Christmas you too can sit around with the Eastmans for grace at the trough and the true no-room-at-the-inn experience!
• "Spare Change?"
• "Here comes the joker
We all must laugh
Cause we’re all in this together
And we love to take a bath."
- from "Bathtub Gin" by Phish
• "Dormer, Schmormer, is the toboggan run ready?"
• "We have juniper berries, too: time for gin!
• "Harold, I know it's cold, but three months between baths is a little TOO medieval..."
• “Um. Dianne. Don't you think that wheelbarrow is a bit big?”

Oh, and of course these two gems from anonymous commenters…
• Safe, Low Priced CHEAP PHENTERMINE Online!
• Buy [URL= http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000195.htm#soma ]soma[/URL] online
Looks like we’ve been discovered by the comment spammers…

Well friends, the egg nog beckons. Thanks to all of you who cheered us on. We’ll stay in touch…

In the meantime, from the four of us (wait, five...sorry Claudia) have a great holiday time filled with peace and joy.

Week Twenty One

2006-12-10T16:39:00.000-08:00

December 4 to 10

Set off the fireworks! Break out the bubbly! Call Guiness! (Or at least have one...)

We have a roof!

Monday, the crew gets a big boost with the arrival of Cleveland, a roofing colleague of Jim's. Outside on the snow-covered 45-degree slope, our two seasoned roofers slap down the shingles at a furious rate, despite the fact that the nail guns give up after the first day. (C'mon, Rent-All...it was only minus 10...) Inside, Rainer and Harold cut and install the last remaining roof boards.

Rainer has been doing all the real dicey stuff out along the ridge. As the end approaches, however, Harold realizes he's missing out on some great tell-the-grandchildren material, and volunteers to replace Rainer as Fiddler on the Roof.

Dianne snaps a shot of the looniness that follows. That's Harold at the top, clinging to the ridge with one hand, holding a board with the other, and concentrating on growing a third appendage for swinging a hammer. Turns out it's Dianne that gets great grandchildren-story content... "Grandma, tell us another dumb thing Grandpa did when you built that house..."

As the roof nears completion, everybody feels like partying. Tuesday after work, the Mars Lander sees one of its biggest crowds yet. From left to right, clockwise: Cleveland and Trish, Jacquie, Rainer, Jim, Lassie, Mathis, Sophia.

Wednesday at sunset, Jim and Cleveland lay the last shingle on the main roof. Time for bubbly!

Friday sees the return of Ralph the plumber, who descends yet again in the Bowels of the Earth (aka the crawl space) to hook up the plumbing to the bathroom. Meanwhile, the rest of the crew starts putting in the windows. Wow. It's starting to look like a real house...

Harold and Jim also work on laying a floor in the garage in preparation for the move from the Mars Lander. Dianne snaps this early evening shot, inadvertantly revealing that Harold is simply an extension of the Borg. "Renovation is futile," he murmurs. "You will be insulated."

Saturday brings a big symbolic moment: the reclaiming of the antique tub after six years in storage. The big copper soaker will find a temporary home in the bathroom, before being moved to its final location in one of the dormers.

Speaking of dormers, Jim and Harold get started on the first one Sunday. It's the beginning of the end...of the beginning...of the end... Never mind.

*****

Caption This!

Last week's shot and your suggested captions...

• The hermit on the mountain invites the tourists in for a little squirrel jerky and homemade screech.
• “You would not believe how many Kyoto carbon credits I had to buy to add a garage to this thing!”
• “This is a helluva time to ask, but, we do have a car don’t we Dianne?...”
• “ABC turned down our ‘Cottage Country Makeover’ pitch, but Collingwood Community Cable is offering to pick us up.”
• "There's snow on the roof; ice on the ladders; my fingers are turning black and ready to fall off; and you ask 'where are the puppy pictures??' *&^%$#!"
• As told to police after the incident: "He seemed so ordinary . . . gentle. . . had a wife and a dog. He was building that house . . . and then . . ."

This week's caption pic:

*****

Pose of the Week

Week Twenty

2006-12-03T17:12:00.000-08:00

November 27 to December 3

How many photos of men roofing in the rain can the readers of this blog stand to view? About as many as the authors can stand to shoot.

Hence, no roofing-in-the-rain shots in this post. And there is indeed rain. After a respite last week, it pours with a vengeance. The crew gets in a little more than two days' work.

There's snow - major snow - in the forecast for Friday, so clearly this is the last chance to do any stuff involving the ground. Dianne draws the short straw and gets to fill in the trench holding the septic line, despite the pouring rain. By the time she's done, she looks like the first 15 seconds of one of those old ads for Tide. (Picture Harold in despair at the washing machine: "How am I ever going to get these stains out...?")

Sure enough, the white stuff arrives Friday. On the up-side, it gives Dianne a chance to try out her new roof rake. Dianne, for those of you who don't know, is a ferocious show-shoveller, and the prospect of being able to shovel off the roof, for crying out loud, is just too much.

Saturday the sun comes out briefly and melts the snow. Without shingles, there are predictable consequences in the living room...or is it the walk-in shower...?

Saturday night, it snows again, and there's a strong sense that it's here to stay. But does this stand in the way of our intrepid roofers? Not a whit.

[Ed. note: Hey, did we say anything about photos of men roofing in the snow?] Jim dons the safety gear so kindly loaned to us by Dave two weeks ago, while Harold sticks to the relative safety of the ladder. As neighbour Lloyd says, "Build in the winter? No problem! Just dust 'er off and keep on going."

The end of the day brings a milestone that hints at warmer things to come: Jim and Harold cut a hole for the chimney...

*****

The weekend is leavened, of course, by the drama of the liberal convention, which reaches the Mars Lander by the slightly smudgy miracle of streaming video.

Claudia is especially rapt...

"I like this Dion guy. He's the only candidate with canine content..."

"Yeah, baby, he won! Dion for PM! And Kyoto for Minister of the Environment."

*****

Caption This!

Creative captioners came up with the following suggestions for last week's pic.

• Claudia dreams of opposable thumbs.
• "I spy with my little eye..."
• "Nail gun...ZZZZ...Nail gum...ZZZZ...Snail gum...ZZZZ...Escargot and gum...ZZZZ
Whatever. I'm going to try to eat this thing when I wake up. If I wake up. Any nice French wine to go with that?"
• Happiness is a warm nail gun.

This week's caption pic:

****
Pose of the Week

Can you spot Jim?

Week Nineteen

2006-11-26T15:59:00.000-08:00

November 20 to 24

"Quelle semaine!" as folks to the east of us say, in the nation that's part of a united Canada. Six straight rainless days (some with actual sunshine!) - plus The Return of Jim! Life is good.

Taking advantage of the great weather, Rainer puts up roof boards at a furious pace, performing Batmanesque feats (feets?) of balance as he gets up towards the ridge. Harold keeps encouraging him to be careful, but never quite gets around to volunteering for board-nailing duty. He's too busy installing the headers for the second floor dormer windows. At least, that's his excuse.

And speaking of boards, Jim returns from a week of treading them in the November Theatre production of The Drawer Boy. It's good to have him and Jacquie back in the morning coffee circle. And Dianne's feet. And Claudia's nose.

Jim's speciality is roofing and it shows. He hauls rolls of ice and rain guard, and 80-lb bundles of shingles up the ladder with apparent ease - as does Rainer. Harold wishes he could help, really he does, but he's still working on those headers...

Armed with a roofing gun and several sets of roof jacks, Jim races across the north face of the roof, trying to get the shaded side of the roof done while the temperatures are still relatively high.

Thursday is an especially busy day as Ralph the plumber turns up again to connect the septic line and drill lots of interesting holes in the floor and walls. Phil the electrician and colleague Bob also arrive to drill more holes and string wire. With the site a-swarm with workers, Harold and Dianne feel like construction magnates. Donald Trump is so nineties.

More help arrives on Saturday: neighbour Lloyd Moxam drops by again to pitch in with the roof boards.

Sunday brings a special treat: daughter Sue comes up from Toronto with her guy, Jason. Harold immediately puts him to work on...guess what...those pesky headers.

With a solid week of work, the house is really beginning to look like…a house.

*****

Caption This!

Last week's puzzler elicited these responses...
• Today in competitive ladder-climbing it was a dead heat at the end of hour two!
• The first cloned construction workers somehow seemed not quite complete.
• The mathematician has reached the highest rung on the ladder of human thought. (Henry Ellis)
• It's offical. The building has eaten them!
• Who ya' gonna' call? No really. who? We need this house built! Now! Who do we call?
• "Yes winter's coming. But it's no good losing our heads."

Here's this week's caption challenge...

*****

Pose of the Week

Week Eighteen

2006-11-19T14:38:00.000-08:00

November 13 to 17

Things get reel cultur'l this week.

Jim and Jacquie's production of The Drawer Boy runs Wednesday to Saturday at the Bancroft Play House. Jim lays down his hammer and picks up the grease paint for the week. The house project's loss is Bancroft's gain: it's another great show from November Theatre.

Meanwhile, back the...yeah, okay, ranch (so the house is a little big...) Harold and Rainer are on their own, and missing Jim's wisdom. Sample dialogue:
Harold: What was that thing Jim said about using the level?
Rainer: Can't remember.
Harold: Me neither. Oh well, probably wasn't that important...

Between the two of them, though, they manage to throw up a few more roof boards and fascia around the Mile High Screen Room.

Reinforcements arrive Tuesday in the form of Darcy Martin - remember the gunslinger from earlier this fall? - and Dave Hyland. Dave's an arborist, so he brings some useful experience and a comfort with heights. Darcy's a computer database specialist, so he brings...um...uh...gunslinger expertise. Between the two of them, they lay down a whole lotta roof boards in the single day they're here.

When darkness falls, everyone retreats to the Mars Lander for coffee and Baileys. Okay, Baileys with coffee. Okay, Baileys. Dave has brought some safety gear for use on the project - has he been reading the blog and worrying? - and gives a demonstration/fashion show. Think Victoria's Secret meets Mission Impossible.

Snain - that nasty combo of snow and rain - claims another day-and-a-half of the rest of the week.

Harold brings in some of the equipment to dry out just as Dianne returns with the week's laundry, and things get even tighter in the Mars Lander.

Sooo...winter seems to be coming on, and the roof isn't finished. Time to get philosophical. Lately, the morning conversations of our Intrepid Couple have become increasingly sprinkled with words like "perspective", "calm," and "Zen." In a situation like this, they often ask themselves, WWJKZD? [What Would Jon Kabat Zinn do?]

*****

Caption This!

Last week's image of well-newbie Harold prompted these suggestions.

• Building their still FIRST explains the construction delays...
• "A well? You say that's a well? Don't look like a well to me. If anything ugly starts crawling up I'm going to shoot it."
• "Hey, I think I see China down there!"
• "You need me to go where?"

Here's this week's shot...

*****

Pose of the Week

Week Seventeen

2006-11-12T15:06:00.000-08:00

November 6 to 10

More great news this week for bloggees whose main orientation is not construction. [Note: this site is inclusive. We welcome all readers, without regard to their construction orientation.]

But back to the good news. Last week saw the triumphant return of kid pictures to the blog. This week, a double treat: puppies (well, one puppy...well, one adult dog...), plus NO RAFTER PICTURES.

The week got off to a great start with a visit from Greg and his mom Hope, good friends from Toronto. They and the Daring Duo once-upon-a-time were part of another adventure involving a building - the Great Hall on Queen Street. [Note strong dog interest in photo.]

So, a good week in terms of friends. In terms of construction, however, not so much... (There's a reason it's No Rafter Week on the blog.) Jim's been burning the candle at all three ends lately - working on the house, renovating his own, and starring in a play - and it all caught up with him this week: he was sick for two days. Rainer and Harold were able to continue attaching fascia - after a lengthy discussion about which end of the nail goes into the wood first – but both missed Jim's guiding hand and in-depth nail knowledge. Happily, he was feeling better and back on the case Friday, working on the long-awaited entrance dormer.

(To Jim and Jacquie: Break a leg this coming week.)

Ralph the plumber arrived on Tuesday to install our no-freeze water line, the pressure tank and the pump in the well. With the flick of a switch, there was water. City folks present were amazed. Who knew?

With the line finally in place, Rainer got to fill in the trench he dug several weeks ago. How fast did he work?

This fast.

There was also big progress on the stone floor in the living room...as in: finished!

*****

"But," bloggees everywhere are asking, "what about the dog-thing, the puppy-thing? Are we to be satisfied with one crummy picture of an up-side down Claudia?"

In answer, dear readers, we present here the first, and last, annual...

Find Claudia Quiz

Can you spot the spotted canine? (First prize: an exciting day on the construction site. Second prize: two exciting days on the construction site. Etc.)

You can ruin your eyes with these thumbnails, or click to enlarge...

*****
Caption This!

Last week's rather puzzling shot elicited the following suggestions...

• "You dropped it, you go get."
"I'm not getting it, you're closer."
"Hey, who's sleeping in there, anyway!?"
• Noah and sons: "Dad, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think we're building it upside down..."
• Photo of Pope Jim kissing the roof board ... thankful to not be putting in yet another rafter.
• Jim kisses the Blarney Rafter for good luck.

Now try your hand at this week's captionable shot...

Pose of the Week

Week Sixteen

2006-11-05T11:10:00.000-08:00

October 30 to November 3

With this post, we return to real-world imagery of our intrepid construction team. (Though Harold is kinda gonna miss his square-jawed stock-image alter-ego…)

And here's great news for readers whose thoughts occasionally turn to other things than rafters and nail guns: this week marks the return to kids to the blog. Yay!

But more on that later. Let's get back to those fascinating rafters...

Actually it seems that we've been doing rafters for several weeks now. This is reminiscent of our endless concrete block period in August. But the end is in sight. Harold and Dianne repeat this little mantra to each other every night before bed.

In fact, there are two mantras. The other one is the now-familiar "What were we thinking...?" This applies in particular to the four-foot overhang included in the design of the house. Many home owners are satisfied with a foot of eaves, maybe two at the most. But are Harold and Dianne? Oooo no.

The upshot is that the crew has to go all the way around the perimeter of the roof installing rafter extensions. For reasons that probably have to do with quantum theory and/or certain obscure branches of systematic theology, the extensions never seem to, um...extend at the same angle as the rafters.

This necessitates the deft handiwork of Rainer the Barber, working with an power planer to shave down the bumpy bits until we have a smooth roof line. (Hey, whadya want, Frank Lloyd Wright?) It also involves Jim in maneouvres that might be more appropriate in a Circque de Soleil show.

Things get particularly crazy at the corners of the screen room, where the eaves are about 20 feet up. (New mantra for Dianne: "Harold, you are being careful, aren't you...?")

Early in the week, we get another visitation from the Snow Man, an increasingly frequent occurrance. But while a couple of weeks ago, a few snowflakes reduced Dianne and Harold to blubbering hopelessness, they now take such setbacks in their stride. Sort of. (Insert blubbering sounds here.)

The temperature, however, is steadily dropping, so our Builders decide to insulate the Mars Lander to extend its life a little further into the winter. Readers will be saved a description of this excruciating task. If, however, you've ever done any insulation, you might be able to imagine what it was like in a 10 by 10 space already crammed with furniture, two humans and a dog. Had they the job to do over again, Harold and Dianne would probably opt to install rubber walls and get the inevitable over with...

Friday and Saturday are off-days for Jim, who is working with Jacquie to produce Bancroft's annual Twenty-Four-Hour Theatre Project: five plays, written, rehearsed and staged in 24 hours. Harold was a participant last year, but this fall has had the sense to (reluctantly) take a pass.

On Saturday, neighbour Lloyd Moxam shows up unexpectedly and offers to help put some boards on the roof. He and Harold get a good chunk of the east hip covered, causing only moderate soreness in Harold's west hip.

Saturday night brings a welcome break: dinner at the Petersons, friends from Toronto who have a cottage just south of Algonquin Park. The conversation is always stimulating with Margo and Brent, and with Brent's mom Mary.

And what can we say about Jessica, Annie and Charlotte except that they're all smart, funny...and always in motion. A challenge for the 1-second exposure...

*****
Caption This!

Last week's stock photo image gave captioners lots of room for creativity...

• "No, I am NOT cold! I don't care if it snows, this outfit is perfect as it is. Those gloves would ruin the entire look! Just drink your #$%@&* cocoa."
• Noah and Wife turn their backs on the drawbridge that is 12' short, and wonder if they will finish the shell before the rain/snow/Bailey's arrives.

And now this...

*****
Pose of the Week

Week Fifteen

2006-10-30T03:49:00.000-08:00

October 23 to 27

We’ve received a few oblique comments about the fashion sense – or lack of same – exhibited by some of the people in this blog. (We won’t mention any names, but let’s just say that aspersions have been cast on certain spousal partners and their apparent propensity for shabby and/or unconventional headgear.)

So this week, in the interests of a smarter looking blog, Dianne and Harold take advantage of a handy and widely used design resource: stock photography.

Enjoy.

(Legal: All photos used totally without the permission of Getty Images.)

****

The week is spent, of course, on the roof. Dianne tries out some new drill technology (whooo-ee!), while Harold hones his look for the construction site, tentatively dubbed “Nailgun Stare.”

Meanwhile, Jim continues to, umm, do stuff with ropes and wear hardhats, while Rainer works up a sweat moving roof boards to the second floor.

Things take a great leap forward with the midweek arrival of a contingent of Japanese Construction Specialists. But language barriers and the lack of a local source for sushi and miso soup lead to the team's almost immediate departure.

Disappointment turns to jubilation, however, as members of one of Bancroft’s many Latino gangs drop by for an afternoon to help reinforce the roof beam.

Through it all, the core crew maintains their good humour and high fashion sense, and lunch hours continue to be a time for savouring snacks and striking poses.

All in all, a great week.

*****
Are Harold and Dianne beginning to lose their grip?

Noooo. Why would they be losing their grip...?

*****

Caption This!

Last week’s snap of Wes and Harold generated the following suggestions…
• Milli Vanelli, back from obscurity, demonstrate their signature dance move while performing the classic "Blame It On The Rain."
• Aerobics class! Keep those arms up! ... and 1 and 2 and...
• "I know the house is crooked, but if you just lean a bit ... like this ... then I think everything should be fine."
• "This is the Greek Un Orthodox Cross. It has two cross bars: one on an angle, and one for St. Hypotenuse of Algonquin, who was martyred for making the roof of the Ark two feet short."
• I’m a little teapot, short and stout…

Here’s the caption pic for this week, still in our stock photo mode…

****

Pose of the Week

Week Fourteen

2006-10-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

October 16 to 20

Although we only lose one complete day to rain, it feels like the wet stuff is coming down constantly.

Early in the week, Harold becomes so unhinged by the Noahic deluge that he starts trying to herd forest animals into the house, two by two. [Ed. note from Dianne. None of this is true except the part about Harold coming unhinged.]

This is the week of rafters. After wandering long in the wilderness of rectiliniarity (guess it's also the week of Biblical imagery) the house gets pointy.

There are also two more sections of beam to lift into place. Wes Laing – a friend for a quarter-century (yikes!) and the designer Harold works with in Toronto – comes up from the city for a couple of days and is immediately press-ganged into action.

After the worst is over, Dianne puts aside the camera and models the latest in Bolivian-tin-miner-chic headgear.

With the beam fully in place, it's time to start working on the hips. (No - the hips of the house. The hips of Harold and Dianne are another matter entirely.) Preparatory measurements, however, reveal the startling fact that said beam is a foot short at either end. After the ritual swallowing of nails and rending of tool belts prescribed by the Building Code, the decisions is made to extend things by adding a modified ridge board. (May the Building Inspector, Blessed Be His Name, have mercy upon us.)

Work proceeds on cutting the complicated hip rafters. Harold is a bit fuzzy on the whole geometry thing, particularly that bit about the length of the hypoteneuse of a right triangle. (Until recently, he had laboured under the misconception that a hypoteneuse was a small mammal.)

Far below the Euclidian mayhem unfolding at roof-level, Dianne closes in on the hearth, picking stones for the top. Wes adds his design sense to the process, and the two graphic designers come up with a pattern for the top. Both feel a little lost, however, because there's no need to choose a font when doing masonry...

Neighbour Lloyd Moxam drops by on Saturday to lend a welcome hand and by the end of the day, the first roof boards are on, the first hip is mostly complete and there's even have the beginnings of the Great Overhang.

For the first time, the emerging frame is visible from across Moxam Lake. "There goes the neighbourhood," is the general consensus among local birds, chipmunks and hypoteneuses.

*****

NOTE: For those of you who are getting worried that you'll be receiving weekly notifications of blog posts on this project until it's completed - some time in 2011 - have no fear. Dianne and Harold have decided that the last weekly post will take place after they have moved into the garage. (Some time in 2011...just kidding!) After that, they'll post occasionally to mark big milestones. Like the first toilet flush...

*****
Caption This!

Last week's suggestions...

• I wouldn't touch that photo with a 24 foot....
• "Harold, I know winter is coming but are you sure that rope is just as good as nails for holding up the roof?"
• "So this thing's supposed to go, what, up there? You're kidding me, right?"
• Maynooth locals prepare the planks and rope for the next town hanging.

Here's this week's pic...

*****

Pose of the Week

Week Thirteen

2006-10-15T04:51:00.000-07:00

October 9 to 13

Matt and Sue come up for three days of perfect Thanksgiving weather. Outside the Mars Lander, Sue transplants potted herbs to winter over in a herb garden, while Matt works with Harold harvesting rocks for the living room floor from the nearby stone fence. Harold also seizes the opportunity to take Matt's new...well, 1987...BMW out for a spin. (Official disclaimer for OPP purposes: No speed limits were exceeded in the test driving of this car...very much.)

Meanwhile, Dianne keeps refining her rock collection for the floor, taking the occasional break to enjoy the sun. Perhaps due to a slight overexposure to solar radiation, she decides to follow-through on a Halloween-inspired scheme. Driven by who-knows-what vision, she has purchased kid makeup and phony teeth at a local Bancroft emporium for the purpose of doing a make-over on Harold, transforming him into the Badger.

The result is...beyond words. Horrified onlookers are reminded either of a very bad 1930s movie, or the gangrenous fate of some mountain climber abandoned overnight near the peak of Mount Everest.

Tuesday arrives with threatening clouds, but we manage to get a day's work done, inching closer to a start on the roof. The big news is the arrival of the windows.

Wednesday morning brings pouring rain – and the delivery of lumber for the rafters, plus the three sections of roof beam.

Despite the nasty weather, Mark from Timbr-Mart does a great job of placing it all on the second floor.

Thursday, Dianne grabs a few hours – between making lunch and lumber-buying errands – to work on the stone hearth that will hold the fireplace. Jim puts together the posts for the roof beam and finishes the kneewall for the guest room over the garage. Meanwhile, Rainer puts up the last bits of sheathing. By the end of the day, everything is ready for the Big Job on Friday: lifting the 24-foot central section of roof beam into place.

The sheathing of the garage is particularly significant, since we've decided on a Plan B for the transition to the house: as soon as the roof is on, we'll move from the Mars Lander into the garage. (The Rolls will simply have to stay outside this winter.) This will also give us access to the bathroom and – miracle of miracles after five years – hot and cold running water, and – gasp - a flush toilet!

Friday morning the view out the patio doors of the Mars Lander is...(once again) beyond words. And once again, horrified onlookers are reminded of the summit of Mount Everest. On the up-side, the wind that came with the snow has helped accomplish one thing on the fall to-do list: take down canvas gazebo cover.

Two inches of snow await us on the second floor. The interaction between plastic tarp, snow and boots suggests a new sport: roof-top curling. The wind is also blowing at about 30 clicks. Not really ideal conditions for monkeying around with a 300-pound chunk of engineered lumber.

But in the spirit of the whole venture, we all ask...how hard could it be? And in the next few hours, we get the answer.

A good friend from Toronto, Michael Smith, has been lured to the site for the day on the underestanding that he'll be moving a few stones. Instead, he's under the beam, thinking about life insurance. Hmmm, Dianne seems to be thinking about it, too. ("How much do I have on the old man again...?")

By the time the beam is in place, wet snow is starting to fly again. We scramble to set the centre post. Then, cold, soaked, but exhilarated, we all beat a hasty retreat to the Mars Lander and celebrate with beers all around.

The commemorative photograph however, is somewhat affected by the humidity in the room...

*****

Caption This!

Last week's gunslinger pose by Darcy obviously struck a chord with....um.... (If people who write blogs are bloggers, are people who read them bloggees?)

• "Take another step and I'll shoot - or fall backwards and maim myself."
• "We don't need no stinkin' badges, we got drills."
• In his left hand is lightning, and in his right is the thunder thereof, and upon the roof of heaven he doth himself make heard, and the birds flee and the dog whines, and he girdeth his loins with tool belt of faith and the hard hat of hope, and lo, thus he defies the gods of snow, and all creation shouteth, "Party On, Dude."
• "I drilled it real good."
• "Now, in fashion news, accessories for the real man this fall season made their first appearance on the runway in Bancroft."

This week's creative challenge...

Pose of the Week

Week Twelve

2006-10-08T18:09:00.000-07:00

October 2 to 6

Entschuldigung! Harold ist unwissend, und ein schlechter Speller auf Deutsch.

Harold ends up with a little egg on his face when it's revealed that he’s not only misspelled Martin Heidegger in last week’s post, but also Rainer’s name for the last couple of weeks. Rainer has been too polite to mention it.

So, in the spirit of penance, Harlod’s name will be misspelled for the rest of this post.

[The German phrases above will also no doubt prove inaccurate, having been obtained by Halrod on one of those cheesy on-line translation sites.]

*****

The main order of the week is getting the plank flooring down on the second story. Long time friend Darcy Martin comes up for a day on Tuesday and, after a little orientation from Rainer, tries his hand at wielding Big Ben. The weather is fabulous, classic Indian Summer…no, Aboriginal Summer…no, First Nations Summer. Hmmm, how about Makes-Pasty-White-People-Really-Happy Summer.

Meanwhile, Jacquie and Dianne check out the screen room, which has turned out really…big.

We lose a day to rain on Wednesday, but get another gorgeous one Thursday. Another old friend is up to lend a hand – Ken Bellous. He and Rainer continue to hammer and screw planks upstairs, while Hadrol cuts them to length below. Jim finishes the framing in the screen room, and perfects his Nail Gun Step Dancing routine.

Dianne spends most of the week gathering stone for the living room floor. Point of marital tension: Does a given stone have a flat enough surface to use in the floor? Dianne: yes. Hodlar: no.

Friday is connect-the-juice day. Our electrician, Phil, and his second-in-command Bob arrive first thing to move the meter and panel from the post to the wall of the house. They behave with just the kind of gravity you’d expect from people who deal on a daily basis with Dangerous Electrical Stuff.

While the hydro’s off, it’s Badger-time. Rainer and Jim dig the trench from the well, and Radhol excavates the connection between the Mars Lander and the septic tank for future use.

By the end of the day, the top floor is complete (minus a few boards) and tarped. Next week – the roof begins.

Lordha is very excited.

*****

Caption This!

Last week's pic produced these thoughts...
• "Wow, a slide just for me!"
• "I could have done it better myself. But, you know ... I'm lazy."
• "Claudia??"

Knock yourselves out on this one...

Pose of the Week

Week Eleven

2006-09-30T06:39:00.000-07:00

September 25 to 29

Disclaimer: No puppies were used in the making of this blog entry.

How does a typical construction day begin at 583 Moxam Road?

Up at 5.00, right? A pre-dawn briefing session with the crew? The sound of hammers and saws as the grey light of morning creeps into the sky?

Ummm...

Not so much. We take a more relaxed approach at Eastman Housing Ventures Inc. A nine-ish start, for openers. Large quantities of coffee. Pastries. And plenty of discourse. (“Conversation” is so nineties…) Topics usually include:
• Bancroft theatre politics (dark and Byzantine)
• Stephen Harper
• the weather
• Martin Heidigger (Jim only)
• Stephen Harper
• how city people and country people are different
• were we ever actually hippies?
• what is the German word for…? (Reiner as resource)
• the laziness of Claudia
• Stephen Harper
• should we just go directly to lunch?

The Tuesday morning party– sorry, pre-construction briefing –is bigger than usual. Wendy (spouse of Reiner) drops by with Jacquie. Tascha the dog also makes an appearance, helping to keep things extra cosy. (Missing in above photo: all of Dianne except her arm; Harold; kitchen sink.)

The early part of the week is taken up with a couple of minor but important digressions from work on the main house. Jim shingles the Mars Lander – almost a year after the roofing paper went on – and Reiner digs the trench for the septic line.

Harold – pleased to have foisted the roll of Badger onto someone else – putters around, driving in random screws and keeping his head down.

By Wednesday, however, the focus of attention is firmly back on the house.

Dianne has taken on the task of completing the sunken stone floor in the living room, buoyed slightly by continual reassurances from Harold (seasoned stone floor designer) that it’s “really going to work.” Harold's concept involves moving large quantities of sand into the living room area (insert his voice here: “No, really, I’ve figured it all out…) Stones will be set into this and then mortared in place. (Harold yet again: "Well, it should work…”) Mathis, son of Reiner and Wendy, drops by after school and is immediately promoted to the rank of Raker, First Class.

Meanwhile, it’s Beam City for Reiner, Jim and Harold. A series of three 7 1/2-inch by 12-inch beams form the east-west spine of the house. By now, several visitors have commented on how big these code-mandated suckers are. After Harold hears “you could park a bulldozer in your living room” for the fourth time, he's tempted to suggest another thing you could do with all that lumber…

The 2X12 joists on run out on Thursday, and we switch to framing the walls for the screen porch. Due to a slight problem Harold has with mathematics (“Oh, you mean ‘subtract' in the sense of taking away, not ‘subtract’ in the sense of adding…”), Jim has to give the first wall an impromtu haircut with the circular saw. But soon the rest of the framing is flying up.

Late Friday afternoon, Gord the CraneMeister [Reiner’s presence is obviously having an influence] arrives from Freymond Lumber with more 2X12s, and deftly drops them up top where they’ll be needed.

So…

...here we are. Next week we should be able to finish the upper story flooring and the rest of the wall framing. Harold is even tempted to start using the r-word, as in “rafter” or “roof.” But the s-word is also increasingly on our minds.

No, not that s-word. The other one.

Snow.

*****

Caption This!

Last week's dazed expressions on the faces of the Daring Duo drew lots of creative suggestions…

• “Yep, that was a pterodactyl…”
• An underground cavern under the house collapsed. Who knew?
• "Maybe they've come for the Mars Lander...."
• "What the ... Is someone building a house here??!! We were trying to put in a golf course!"
• Harold and Dianne have their moment of clairity on what a great idea it was to build a house.
• If you built it, "they" will come.
• "Claudia??"

Now, here’s the latest caption challenge:

*****

Pose of the Week

Week Ten

2006-09-24T09:44:00.000-07:00

September 18 to 22

This week, something for everyone: walls, small children, puppies.

What other blog delivers this kind of value for the money? (Did we mention the change to a subscription model…?)

The weekend has been wet, and Monday begins with Sue – who's come up for the week to help – pulling off the plastic tarps that have kept the pine floorboards (more or less) dry. Reiner, Jim and Harold go at the planking again, and by Tuesday noon the floor of the main house is done. The Thrilling Three take a moment to celebrate. (Sorry, but very few adjectives alliterate with “three.” Other choices ranged from bizarre – “throaty” – to vaguely off-colour – “throbbing” – to uncomfortably medical – “thrombosed.”)

Rain threatens again almost immediately, so Sue scrambles to put the tarps back on the floor again. Our plan is to build the walls right on top of them, then cut away the tarps inside when the roof is on. (See Wikipedia article: “It-seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time.”) All goes well until Sue hits a spot where she can’t tug the tarp into place. It seems to be caught under something heavy on the other side. (To see the problem, click to enlarge, then look closely.)

Now it’s division of labour time. Jim starts framing the first wall, Harold (aka Mr. Give-Or-Take-An-Inch) cuts the studs, and Reiner wields Big Ben on the planking for the screen porch. Meanwhile, Dianne and Sue paint the joists on the underside of the porch.

Wednesday morning, the first section of wall goes up. Dianne and Sue decide it’s a Vanna White moment – and even Claudia gets into the act.

“That’s right, Bob. It’s a new wall!”

It feels very, very, very good to see the house finally head for the sky, after so many weeks of toiling to get it up out of the mud. (Did we mention how good it feels…?)

Okay puppy and small-children fans – you’ve been patient. Here we go…

Thursday morning, the Keddy family arrives for another visit from Toronto. We have the traditional breakfast together in Maynooth at Granny’s Restaurant (where the “No pancakes after 11.00” rule is strictly enforced) then head out to the building site for an inspection and family photo op.

But the real purpose of the visit is for la famille Keddy to pick up their new puppy from our friends and neighbours, Deb and Lloyd Moxam.

Weatherwise, it continues to be an odd week. Banks of black cloud can give way to blue sky in minutes. And vice versa.Occasional showers make us scramble to cover saws and wood.

Then it’s down to the Mars Lander to wait it out with a coffee. On the brighter side, Dianne’s usual attention to snacks really helps deal with the disappointment of delay. (Triple alliterations earn extra blog points.)

The walls continue to fly up and by the end of Friday, we’re about half way around.

Yee-haw! What a week!

*****

Caption This!

Lots of caption action on last week’s shot…

• New carnival game: Whack-A-Mole Extreme
• Acta est fabula, plaudite! (The play is over, applaud!) Emperor Augustus' last words
• “I can't go on. I have writer's block.”
• “’As God is my witness, I will never be poor again...’ Well blocks, what did you think of that reading? Tomorrow: King Lear.”
• “A desk job, a desk job, my kingdom for a desk job!”
• There's some witch's legs sticking out from under the foundation, and they're wearing ruby slippers...”
• “I was three years old when they sent me down here. If I have to eat any more frog's legs....”
• “Hey! I volunteered for Habitat for Humanity, not Habitat for Harold!”
• "Last thing I remember, I was looking for flies and then some princess kissed me."
• "Maybe if I signed a written promise to come back, they’d let me out."
• "Man, a guy holes up in his underground lair for a few weeks and wham - there goes the neighbourhood!"
• "I never get tired of the fake walking-down-the-stairs bit."

This week’s caption pic…

*****

Pose of the Week

Week Nine

2006-09-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

September 11 to 15

First, we get rid of the frogs.

The crawl space is full of the little critters. Think Magnolia meets Life As a House. Jacquie comes over Monday morning to drop off Jim, and ends up chasing and capturing about 20. After she releases them over the wall, they have to pass inspection by Claudia before being allowed to hop off into the bush. (Where most of them probably lurk until they have the opportunity to jump back into the crawl space. As our daughter Sue might say, "Frogs are nature's D-students.")

Dianne spends a good part of Monday and Tuesday sealing the crawlspace vapour barrier to the concrete walls. (That’ll be Harold obsessing about the building code again.) When she’s not crouched in the bowels of the earth, she’s going through brochures, getting the window order ready. It's in by Wednesday.

Riddle: After wading through the many options involved in choosing windows, what kind of a look do you have on your face?
Answer: Glazed.

For Jim and Harold, it’s on to the framing. A particularly exciting moment comes when Jim is finally able to demonstrate the intricacies of high-speed joist-running. (Look for it as a demonstration sport at the Beijing Olympics…)

By the end of the first day, all the joists for the main house are in place, and Dianne is able to check out how things will look when we're standing on the finished floor. Previously, this exercise has involved practices with a ladder that are clear violations of the Occupational Health and Safety Act.

When Jim and Harold get to the west end of the house, the nasty reality of the screen porch re-asserts itself. They've been putting off the final placement of the beams because…because…it’s hard and involves getting back down in the dirt. But wielding level and nail gun (bangphhttt! bangphhttt! bangphhttt!), the daring duo soon have the beams in place. Joists soon follow.

About this time, Harold drops a board on his foot, prompting a passionate and slightly profane reflection on the downside of Newtonian physics. This leads to a discussion with Jim about what would be involved in building a house based on quantum physics instead. Two key problems emerge:
• Both position and momentum cannot be precisely known. Very bad when using any kind of saw.
• Particles can be in two places or two states at the same time. You might end up with two garages. Or your bathroom could be in two really bad states, say, Utah and Texas.
So, if your contractor keeps wanting to talk about What the Bleep Do We Know...run.

We lose all of Wednesday and some of Thursday to rain.

But hey, the mushrooms are happy.

Friday is a big day - we finally start laying the floor. In our case, there's no plywood base. Thick tongue-and groove planking serves as both the subfloor and the finished surface. Jim's friend Reiner joins the crew, fresh back from seeing family in Berlin. We put him to work hauling planks and sawing, while Jim and Harold carefully nudge (i.e. sledgehammer) the planks into place and screw them down. After a few minutes of swinging the Big Ben, Harold starts pestering everyone to call him The Avenger instead of the Badger.

By the end of the day, about half the main floor is done – and it looks niiiice. Dianne performs a ceremonial sweep.

Next week: walls. Yes, really. We know we said that last week, but this week, for sure. Absolutely. Isn’t that right, Jim?

Jim…?

*****

Caption This!

Only one person was brave enough to suggest a caption for last week's pic.

"I don’t know if I can be your man tonight.
I don’t mean to obsess.
I just don’t want to be anything but right,
And I’m on three days rest."
-- Rick Moranis, "Three Days Rest" from the album "The Agoraphobic Cowboy"

We guess people just didn’t want to go there. So Harold has a few captions of his own to suggest…
• Quantum love.
• “Harold, let’s talk about the windows one last time.”
• Friday nights.

Here’s this week’s offering…

*****

Pose of the Week

Jacquie's daughter, Sophia, checks out the joists.

Week Eight

2006-09-10T10:17:00.000-07:00

September 4 to 8

Sometimes progress looks like an ugly plug of concrete sticking out of the ground. (Shakespeare, we think, but we can’t recall the exact reference…)

Yes, this week it seems like we spin our wheels a little, trying desperately to get up out of the mud. And by Friday we're not seeing much that looks new except for the tops of a few concrete piers. (Hmm, they are kinda cute, though, in the right light...)

Monday sees the Badger back at it, working with Jim to dig out the holes for the piers that will support the screen porch and the two small decks at the front. The tricky bit is getting the forms that will hold the concrete - cardboard tubes with big, hollow plastic feet – located at the right height and distance from the foundation, as well as with the proper degree of verticality (90 degrees preferred). This involves much scribbling on wood, and fooling about with tape measures, plumb-bobs, levels and string.

Meanwhile, Dianne’s been collecting rocks in a wheel barrow (see below for explanation), and an overnight rain storm creates a nice photo op. We think this picture might make a good shot for one of those motivational posters, you know, the ones that say “Strength” or “Peace” or “Exceed Your Sales Target.” Other more Zen-like title possibilities might be “Sound of stones in water.” Or "Leaf and rock embrace.” Alternatively, Harold suggests “S#%^ Happens.”

Anyway, the rain creates a bit of a setback when Harold has a forgetful moment and leaves a few of the cardboard pier tubes lying unprotected outside overnight.

We attempt to dry out the semi-soggy items in the work shelter the next day, but our efforts are in vain. The whole sorry episode causes Harold to meditate on the growing limitations of middle-age – both mental and physical.

The pier forms are set by the end of the day Tuesday, and it’s time to lay down the plastic sheeting in the bottom of the crawl space. Dianne does a heroic job of leveling the dirt, then Jim rolls out the barrier. The result looks like a kind of low-rent swimming pool.

Claudia watches the proceedings from her new favourite spot – the sandbox that will eventually be the base of the stone living room floor. (We find ourselves using the word “eventually” a lot these days…)

Thursday is concrete day. Craig arrives with the big truck from Levesque Bros, and we proceed to fill the piers using the wheel-barrow and shovels where possible, and buckets otherwise. Harold embarrasses himself more than once by filling a bucket with concrete and then being unable to lift it. (See “meditate” above.)

While all this is going on, Dianne fills in the top course of blocks with stones (aha, the stones) and concrete. Why? It's a code thing having to do with convection currents, sunspots and chicken entrails at midnight.

To top the morning off, the Stoneslinger arrives. This may sound like something from a western by Stephen King, but in fact, it’s taciturn guy on the back of fancy truck with a conveyor belt that hurls gravel. As Jim says in characteristic understatement, “You probably wouldn’t want to stand in front of it.”

With the concrete done, it’s time to turn - at last - to wood. Gord from Freymond Lumber has already delivered the first shipment.

The first thing to go together is the big beam that runs down the centre of the house. Harold breaks his head for 45 minutes trying to figure out the right way to space the seams in this sucker, according to the building code’s voodoo specs. But finally it's in place – five layers of 2X12! Handy if we ever need to park a bulldozer in the living room. Friday afternoon, we move on to attaching the sill plate to the top of the foundation - and another week is over.

Hmmm. We’re half-way through a tentative building schedule that calls for getting the insulated shell up by early November. And there’s still not much sticking up above the ground. But we’re not panicking ye-
–anicking ye-
–anicking ye-
–anicking ye-
Click.
- panicking yet.

Next week: a floor! And who knows, maybe even a bit of wall!

*****

Caption This!

Last week’s suggestions…

• “Colonoscopy? Now? Here?”
• Jim starts to install the ever-so-important Hamster Trail.

And this week’s pic:

(You knew it had to be this one.)

Pose of the Week

Week Seven

2006-09-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

August 28 - September 1

September?

“Goddess!” as our friend Jacquie (companion of Jim) would exclaim. How did it get to be September…?

Well, at least the concrete blocks are over with. And there’s nothing worse to work with than concrete blocks, right?

Umm. Try tar.

This nasty stuff has to be applied to the entire outside of the foundation to make it sticky– sorry, water-resistant. What it actually does is to turn it into a kind of giant fly-paper. Stand within an inch of that ominous black surface, and it seems to grab your pants and suck you in.

Several times Dianne comes across Harold struggling to separate his behind from the basement. This is funny until a short time later when Harold sits down on the futon in the Mars Lander - wearing, um, the same pants. Harold suggests that the result is a new kind of craft – butt-printing on fabric. But Dianne just wants to add a few feathers to the tar…

In a pathetic attempt to redeem himself, Harold comes up with the idea of paying for the house by product placement. [Sadly, we have still received no emails from Coca-Cola® Inc.]

And so it goes, and goes. In fact, tarring the foundation is what the Happy Couple find themselves doing on their 35th anniversary. “In stickiness and in health…,” wasn't it?

Meanwhile, Jim gets to work on the drainage.

First there's the challenge of untangling the “big O.” Gordian? Not. Jim soon figures it out.

When the unruly stuff has been laid around the base of the foundation, it’s covered with a layer of gravel. Then Jim moves on to insulating the sunken living room section (aka “the sand box” or “Harold’s folly”.)

Harold digs a final trench away from the foundation so that the whatever water accumulates in the pipes can drain away. It’s during this latter process that Jim dubs him “the Badger,” because of his apparent love for digging. It feels, alas, like one of those names that will stick…like tar…

By Wednesday, the foundation is ready for backfill.

It's become a grim black structure that Peter Jackson could have used as a miniature for Barad-dur, or Ridley Scott for the summer home of the alien. Think Space-Odyssey meets Rosemary's Baby meets This-Old-House.

[Ed. note from Dianne: Hmmm, time for some alternative imagery.]

Wednesday afternoon, Dianne takes Sophia, Jacquie’s daughter, for a swim and hot tub session in Bancroft. [Ed. note from Dianne: …and a shot of Claudia, just because.]

The building inspector comes by Wednesday afternoon and gives everything the nod. And Thursday morning, we welcome Dave Laundry back with the excavator...

It’s quite a change of pace on the site, with Dave’s big machine plus a skid-steer, both packing in the fill as fast as two dump-trucks can deliver it.

But by quitting time, we’re officially back-filled.

Friday, it’s time to party.

Jacquie drops by and we pop a bottle of bubbly to celebrate.

Claudia’s happy too, because Jacquie brought Hoppy, and it's always encouraging to be around someone even shorter and fatter than you are.

Hooray! We’re up out of the dirt. Sort of…

*****

Caption This!

Last week’s suggestions…

• “Um ... level ... You know, we could just re-define the word and call it a day.”
• "Level, Shmevel, I got one leg short than the other anyway..."
• "Alright, I'll level with you: the great pyramid of Cheops was easier to lay out than this, but we had fewer slaves and more beer..."
• "I think by the end I will have bricked myself completely inside a dungeon, like Poe's Cask of Amontillado. "For the love of God, Haroldo!...".

And this week’s Caption Shot:

Pose of the Week

DIANNE: Let’s just put the sticky-glove-brush-thing on this plastic so it’ll be clearer in the picture.
HAROLD: Okay, I’ll do it. There, take the shot.
[CLICK.]

DIANNE & HAROLD: Eiewwww…

Week Six

2006-08-27T12:30:00.000-07:00

August 21 to 25

Yay! We lay the last block late Saturday. It’s been a hard week, but worth it.

But before you think that you’re finally off the hook in terms of more block pictures…

Jim spends a good part of the week working on the high portion of the foundation, constructing a temporary scaffold so he can reach the top. He also begins working his way around the foundation, coating it with concrete. Among the constructorati, this is known as “parging.” Meanwhile, Harold lays the blocks of the inner square that will contain what he begins to call “the %x@*#%! sunken floor.” This entails the delightful task of cutting concrete blocks to size with a circular saw. The upside is the discovery that concrete dust makes an excellent, low-cost mousse - $12.00 for a 40 kg bag.

Dianne, of course, continues as the Mortar Mixatrix. And now the answer to the question that’s no doubt been tormenting many of you: how does she get all the water for mixing that mortar from the well to the mixer?

Now you can sleep nights.

The tedium of block laying is occasionally interrupted by moments of discovery and culture. One lunch hour, for example, brings the shocking revelation that our three noggins are very disparately sized.

As for culture, Harold has had his nose out of joint since last week’s picture of Jim learning lines for a new play while laying block. Not to be outdone, he commissions Dianne to take a picture of him reading James Joyce’s Ulysses while laying block. [Ed. note from Dianne: It is not Ulysses.] Stay tuned next week for pictures of Jim factoring a nine-million-digit prime number in his head while laying down the sill plate, and Dianne discovering the cure for cancer while nailing a stud…

[Insert thoughtful pause here.]

[Ed. note from Harold: a stud is an upright piece of lumber providing support for a wood-framed wall.]

On Wednesday, Harold discovers that he has misread the foundation plans and not made the column footings thick enough. (“Hey, what’s nine inches among people of goodwill…?") This triggers a final round of form-building and husband-and-wife concrete mixing/pouring that ends just after sunset Friday night. How romantic.

Yes, actually.

It’s all worth it for the view from the top of the ladder at the end of the week…

Isn't it beautiful? (In that way, you know, that new parents think their baby is the most beautiful child in the world, even if it, um, isn't...)

*****

Caption This!

Okay, so Harold’s been getting a little confused with the captions, missing some and putting others with the wrong pix. Who knew blogging could be so complex?

Herewith, some corrected caption suggestions for Week 3. Our apologies to all who submitted captions and didn't see them – or saw them linked to the wrong shot, and said, “What the…?”

• "C'mon Blocks. Line yourselves up in nice even rows. Get moving now."
• "Didja say that was the way outta here?!"
• "Ya put your right finger in and ya shake it all about - then you do the hokey pokey and you lay a bunch of blocks..."

Last week’s suggestions...

• "What we have here is a failure to communicate."
• “You want me to what??!!”
• “My digging days are over....it's your turn now... pass me a bone.”
• "That's one trick I refuse to learn - and no, not because I'm old!"
• “You bring one more block over here and I'll pinocolast... penopeleopoe... peniplathoeme... thempalathorasticast...thump you with this.”
• “More Keith’s this way!”
• “I could of sworn I put that bone over here...or here...wait, maybe there...”
• "Gosh, wish I could use one of those...digging this huge hole with my paws is wearing me out!"
• "Belloq’s staff is seven and a half inches short. They’re digging in the wrong spot!"

Here's this week’s caption shot:

*****

Pose of the Week

Week Five

2006-08-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

August 14 – 18

“You didn’t use the puppy shots?”

This is Dianne’s incredulous reaction to Harold’s puppy-less post last week. (During the Keddy family visit, a delegation went to our neighbours, the Moxams, for a look at a newly-hatched clutch of canines.)

“But, it’s a construction blog…”

Eye-rolling. The kind that silently says, “Men…”

So, herewith, some puppy pix...

(Hmm, they are kinda cute. Now if there was just some way to make a conceptual connection to block-laying…)

Speaking of which…

…we’re getting there. This coming week ought to see the last of these puppies – wait, that’s the connection! – slide into place. In the meantime, Jim keeps slinging block - and memorizing lines. That sheaf of papers sitting on the blocks in the top picture is the script for "The Drawer Boy," in which Jim is appearing this fall. (So that's what all the muttering was about...)

Harold finally emerges from writerly seclusion on Thursday afternoon and resumes his duties as a mason (i.e. spilling large quantities of mortar on the ground.) “I just need a bigger trowel…”

Midway through Friday morning, Jim diplomatically points out that Harold has been singing over and over the first two lines from “How Will I Know?” by Whitney Houston. This is as painful for Harold to realize as it is for Jim to hear. “Just about anything would be better,” says Jim. “Something by AC/DC, maybe.” Harold comes up seriously empty on that one.

The conversation does, however, remind Jim and Harold of something they've noticed: there’s a Beatle song lyric to cover every construction situation. Some examples…
• “…I’ve got to admit, it’s getting better,
Just a little better all the time.
Can’t get no worse.”
• “I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in,
And keeps my mind from wandering.”
• “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away…”
• “Help! I need somebody…”
• “They are the egg men. I am the walrus.”
(Okay, maybe not that one.)

A note about tools. It’s all been pretty low-tech so far – levels, trowels, etc - and Harold's really looking forward to using Mr. Mitre Saw when the framing starts.

(He’s nicknamed it “Starship Enterprise” because of the big ion thruster pod - or whatever that tube thing at the back is,)

But Dianne still likes the simpler, hands-on approach. And in that connection, we highlight a couple of her favourite tools...

Essential to any construction site is a Pino the Sweet Nosey funnel for filling the water levels, combined with red plastic beach pail. You’ll also need string and a bottle of Keith’s to check the depth of the well. (Important: empty bottle first. In fact, empty several bottles first.)

And speaking of the temptation to strong drink, Dianne considers it when she finds some red maple leaves on the ground. Yikes! Autumn, already?

To wrap up: a shot of Sue decorating the Mars Lander with the metal wolf’s head she gave Harold for his birthday, plus a campfire moment from last weekend.

This should avoid having to begin next week’s post with:

“You didn’t use the campfire shots?”

*****

Caption This!

Last week’s entries…

• "Ya put your right finger in and ya shake it all about - then you do the hokey pokey and you lay a bunch of blocks..."
• “Anyone seen Claudia lately? I’m a little worried.”
• Personals: Woman with heart of warrior seeks man with strong sense of destiny.
• Il Duce di Bancroft
• “Porridge?......you vant more porridge? We'll make lotsa porridge!!”
• "For better or for worse. For better or for worse. For better or . . . "
Plus this intriguing suggestion…
• Kant: Ibbity jibbity.
Kierkegaard: Ubbity Jubbity

And another possibility for Week One's shot:

• “We just have to move the footings a little to the right.”

[Insert drum roll here.] And now, this week’s Caption Challenge:

Pose of the Week

Week Four

2006-08-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

August 7 to 11

Our dreams begin to be haunted by…blocks. Harold has a Joseph Conrad moment one night and wakes up rasping “The mortar…the mortar…”

Number One Son Matt arrives on Saturday to spend the weekend. He offers to work, but over the past three weeks, we've suddenly got very into Sabbath observance. Saturdays, at least, we’ve established a nobody-lifts-a-finger rule. (The rest of the week, we switch to nobody-loses-a-finger. So far, so good.) Matt heads back to the city Monday to work on his latest project, Holy War Dance Party. Don’t ask.

Long-time friends, the Keddy family, arrive later the same day. Rebecca and Rachel pitch right in to the whole block-laying effort, and offer Jim loads of useful tips and feedback. Younger brother Jeremiah just lays around in the tent all day and checks his portfolio on the laptop. (Just kidding, Jeremiah. By the way, Bubba, here’s a Kleenex…)

For most of this week, Harold hunkers down in the Mars Lander, trying to meet a writing deadline. Every so often, he takes a walk around the site, Lord-of-the-Manor style, to assess progress. This includes checking how we’re doing on keeping the blocks level. Having abandoned the Egyptian Fourth Dynasty-era transit and level (see last week), Jim and Harold have adopted a much more high-tech tool: the water level (see Fifth Dynasty). Once we finally get the #@%^ thing full of water we find out that the foundations are…well…um…Y’know, you can do miracles with that last course of block…

Wednesday morning, the clouds move in. Merde.* Il pleut.
So far, though, the weather has been really good.
*Technical term, French in origin, meaning “Extreme disappointment.”

Number One Daughter, Sue, arrives Thursday with her boyfriend Jason Ernest, from South Carolina. J graciously agrees to continue the siding effort on the Mars Lander, with input from the Lord of the Manor – and moral support from Sue and Claudia. (See Pose of the Week, below.) Great work, J! Let’s see, with two days of labour under your belt, you only have to work off another six years and 363 days. (Alert: Obscure Old Testament Reference. Google: Laban, Genesis)

Here’s how things look after four weeks...

Ten things Dianne likes about our project:
1. Putting on hand lotion after making mortar.
2. Harold with this head bent over the blueprints.
3. Seeing a wall where there was none.
4. Making trips with Claudia to the building supply store. Where they know the dog's name. And she knows what Portland Cement is.
5. The first cup of coffee in the morning for everyone. (Jim: no sugar, just a little milk.)
6. Looking at the views from imaginary windows.
7. Friends on ladders. Strangers in trucks.
8. The smell of sawdust.
9. Lunch: grilled cheese sandwiches, discussing theatre, the psychology of memory, and lumber.
10. Putting the body to bed at night.

Five things Dianne is not so keen about:
1. Cutting down trees.
2. Gritty bits on her mousepad.
3. "I can't find the ... (fill in the blank with anything)."
4. Wheelbarrows going uphill.
5. Getting the body out of bed in the morning.

Caption Me!
We have a winner for last week’s picture, chosen from the hundreds of entries. (Okay, chosen from one entry. Thankyou, "Anonymous," whoever you are.)

"I've got an idea. We should build a house with all these blocks!”

This week’s contest pic features Dianne in the Mussolini apron. Caption suggestions? (Use the Comment function.)

Pose of the Week

Sue and Claudia Inc. Construction Consultants

Week Three

2006-08-05T10:28:00.000-07:00

July 31 - August 4

Okay, so here’s a little taste of the excitement of laying concrete block…

Now repeat: 1,400 times.

Yes, this week - and probably for two more - it's Blocks R Us.

Monday afternoon, after a few hours of measuring, squinting, chalk-lining, re-squinting, re-measuring and re-chalk-lining, we’re ready to start the foundation walls. Jim lays down the first block. (Cue the doves and balloons.) Both Harold and Dianne watch his technique for a few minutes, and then ask the Official Rhetorical Question of the Project: How hard can it be? They both grab a trowel.

Really hard, as it turns out. Most of the mortar the amateurs sling ends up on the ground, on their sneakers, in their hair…anywhere but on the block or the footing. Soon Harold is muttering about how he has to go inside and get some writing done. And Dianne decides she’d be better at mixing mortar than applying it.

As it turns out, she’s the Mortar Meister, with a great eye for guaging texture and a great arm for shoveling gravel.

Harold, meanwhile decides to master the intricacies of an old transit, loaned to us by the Bible Camp down the road. It's a beautiful gadget, but it's an antique (there’s a faded inscription on the wooden tripod that says “Property of Cheops”). The thing’s impossible to level. Soon Harold is feeling the impulse to write again.

On Tuesday, we discover that some of our measuring for the stepped footings was out. No disaster, but it does mean we have to re-build a few forms and add a little home-brewed concrete.

Meanwhile, neighbour Lloyd Moxam, who’s on holidays, is working on getting some insulation and wood siding onto the Mars Lander. And Jim keeps laying. By Friday, he’s doing two corners a day, with Claudia following behind to check for level.

Maybe we’ll be finished the foundation earlier than we thought. (See "Famous Last Words")

*****

With this issue of the blog, we introduce two new regular features (okay, probably semi-regular).

Pose of the Week

This week’s Pose is actually from last week (you still following this?) but we couldn’t post it earlier because we were having problems with verticals. Anyway, here’s Mary Laing, clutching a box cutter and using a sheet of rigid insulation to re-enact a certain famous scene from a certain Alfred Hitchcock movie. It was Mary’s idea! Honest, we didn’t put her up to it!

Caption This, If You Dare…

Just use the "Comments" function. We’ve finally got it working right so you don’t have to "register" to use it…and risk getting even more spam about increasing the size of your…um…concrete blocks…

Week Two

2006-07-30T15:15:00.000-07:00

NOTE: Although we've just posted this blog, there are entries below that cover the start of our construction process. Scroll down to the posting marked "June" to follow the story from its beginnings.

You can click on the images in the blog to see larger versions.

July 24 to 28

The concrete is coming! The concrete is coming!

Good neighbour Lloyd Moxam – who, along with his wife Deb, has helped us out in so many ways – comes on Monday to assist with reinforcing and back-filling the forms.

Lloyd is back for the pour Tuesday morning. The day dawns rainy, but things are already getting brighter by the time the first truck – a shiny new unit - arrives from Levesque Bros. Concrete at a little after nine. Driver Chris is at the helm.

We’ve ordered 12 yards of concrete. Because the site is a little awkward, and because the chute on the truck can only reach 18 feet, we have to wheelbarrow some of it. But the real fun happens when we have to shovel the concrete along the forms as it pours out of the truck. “It’s just like paddling a canoe,” suggests Jim, who sees Harold struggling a little with his technique. The whole topic of the difference between the density of water and the density of concrete, however, doesn’t come up.

By about noon, the second truck is pulling away. I’m thinking lunch, but Jim and Lloyd are thinking that the concrete now needs to be leveled in the forms. Who knew? Everyone, including Dianne, goes at it with trowels.

Lunch, liberally laced with fine products from the brewmasters at Heineken, is taken about 3.00. We’re done for the day.

Our friends Wes and Mary Laing arrive from Toronto late afternoon. They have rashly offered to help, and the next two days we keep them busy. Mary helps Dianne with creating a fern bed beside the fire circle. And Wes works at starting the siding on the Mars Lander.

Meanwhile, Lloyd and Jim pry the forms off the footings, revealing them in their (almost) completely square magnificence.

You’d think we might have had enough of big trucks for one week. But oh, no…

A humungous rig and trailer arrive Thursday morning with 1,400 concrete blocks. (Count ‘em: 1,400!) Jeff the Driver Guy deftly unloads them onto the site.

Enough already for one week! Let’s watch the concrete cure, shall we? Then it’s on to laying all those blocks…

Week One

2006-07-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

July 17 to 21

The first week actually starts on a Friday, July 14, when we lure Dave Laundry and his big yellow machine back to the site to dig the foundation for the house. (No basement, just what they call “yer crawl space.”)

The following Monday, Jim and Harold set to work building the forms for the footings, known by Harold as “those little cement sidewalk thingies at the bottom of the foundation.”

The hard work of digging, sawing and hammering is relieved by intervals of leaning on shovels and talking about theatre, quantum theory and this guy named Foucault, who is apparently a post-structuralist. Given the context, Harold took this to mean he was a wood foundation expert, until Jim explained otherwise.

On Friday, friend and neighbour Sophia (who is the daughter of Jacquie, who is the companion of Jim) comes by with Tascha the dog to check our progress.

After a few days, we fall into a good Monday through Friday routine:
• Harold and Dianne get up at 6.00-ish and work for a few hours on their paying gigs.
• Jim arrives about 9.00, and Harold joins him on the work site about 10.00. Dianne works the fire circle and trail.
• Dianne makes a delicious lunch, which is consumed in the civilized environs of the screen house in front of the Mars Lander.
• Back to work until about 5.00.
• Harold and Dianne eat supper.
• Harold and Dianne try to get up out of their chairs, but find themselves strangely immobilized
• Some hours later, we both give up on any kind of large muscle movement and fall into bed.

Saturdays we focus on doing absolutely nothing, and Sundays it’s back to the paying work.

June

2006-07-29T17:56:00.000-07:00

We got requests for various quotes out in April, but we were having trouble finding someone to do our footings and foundation. Everybody was either too expensive or too busy. (Yeah, yeah, we know…”Speed, quality, price – choose any two.”)

On the septic front (military metaphor alert), things progressed nicely. Dave Laundry brought in his big excavator on a morning early in June and made short work of things in a few hours.

The next day, the tank arrived and Dave put in the field.

By the time June rolled around, we still had nobody to do our foundation. We began to realize that we were perhaps in over our heads – to a depth of about four feet below the frost line. (Construction humour.) So we hired our friend Jim Henry to work with us from the footings right up to finishing the roof, hopefully some time before the snow flies this winter.

Jim is an experienced carpenter…and more. Some of you may remember him in another role, literally: Jim played Estragon opposite my Vladimir in Waiting for Godot.

Would you trust these two to build a house…?